MoQev Speaks
Meandering rants as I study to become a crotchety old man...
Wednesday, March 12, 2025
Flight Music
Wednesday, November 6, 2024
Time For a Regroup
Okay, it's been a while. I'm not ready to look at social media in earnest, or talk about yesterday's election with anyone I love one on one, so I'm just pingponging around the places where my life takes place, trying to figure out the most productive way to process what's occurred. Looking for a comforting venue in which to receive terrible news, I guess. I hit on this stupid old word depository and thought that maybe it'd be helpful. For me. If you're not me YMMV. I took a long walk around downtown Minneapolis this morning before work, and this is what I shook out of my head:
It should surprise no one that as an American I dream of a very different future than the one we're now presented with. I am a liberal Minnesotan who came of age under Paul Wellstone, so I've always been fed (and joyfully consumed) the optimistic idea that I could be the change I believe in in this world. And that's great. I love living my best life and imagining I am inspiring others to do the same. But sometimes you're reminded that not everyone's best life is... well, the best. Sometimes the prevailing winds are ominous, and you have to accept that the zeitgeist is working against your vision. I was a bit blindsided by this election, because apparently many peoples' best lives are at odds with mine.
That's fine. But that doesn't mean they're right, and that doesn't mean they win. They will control the discourse for a bit, but we will regroup, and we will all get to weigh in again before long. When that happens, I expect most people will tell them we've decided to go in a different direction. However: In the meantime there will be real damage done to real people who you definitely know and love. These people will need you to be there for them. They will need to know that you see their anxiety, and that you have their backs. You will need to take real action to alleviate the damage inflicted by the prevailing winds. I realize this is all terrible, so here's a hopeful coda:
I accidentally started scrolling through LinkedIn this evening (becuase who ever goes on LinkedIn intentionally?), and I was seeing a lot of posts from old coworkers, from the last several months of me not checking the site, of happy shit about new opportunities. And I found myself actually saying aloud, alone in my kitchen, "good for her," or "oh that's great," or whatever. Many updates weren't even work related. And I think that may actually end up being my bandaid for this hurt. Everyone I saw still has something unrelated to and uneffected by the election that I can appreciate is happening for them. It's true we're all experiencing something large and awful, that will hurt a lot for a long time and be tough to get through. But we also all have at least something that we can be excited about, and that nothing beyond us can take away. I say this in no way to minimize the anxiety anyone is feeling, but just to amplify the excitement of something that makes you happy when everything else is at odds with what you're working for. I guess in these times I just have to cling to something joyful that can make me smile, and I would love the same for you. It doesn't even have to be something worth noting on an inane social-resume website.
Here for your consideration are just a few things that make me happy, that no elected official at any level of government can take away - feel free to comment with your own lists of pleasures or accomplishments:
- Watching summer waves on a lake from a cool shady spot on shore
- Antonín Dvořák's 9th symphony, especially the 1st and 4th movements
- The smell of vanilla, in either bourbon or pipe smoke
- Putting on a giant puffy coat for a two block walk to the bar for a beer, just to be out of the house in January when it's -5 degrees F
- Driving way too fast on a winding two-lane road through the bluffs of the Driftless Area
- Eating a pea pod directly off the vine in June, while tending the other vegetables
Sunday, January 2, 2022
Walt Disney Lied To Me!
Happy New Year, Everyone! I spent the afternoon behind my refrigerator, toweling up poop and bleaching surfaces. I guess it's an apt finish to 2021, but I could have done without 2022 introducing itself with me bagging a corpse and putting it out into the subzero cold.
This past Autumn, when Lisa and I winterized our back porch off the kitchen, we found some droppings in the bin that holds our lanterns and bug spray. There were apparently mice living in the shelter of the porch. We found the storm door wasn't fully sealed, and so I fixed that after a full Clean'n'Bleach of the room. About two weeks later, I was in the kitchen standing at the sink and I saw something scurry from under the kitchen island to under the fridge. It would seem that when I sealed off the porch, there was someone still inside, who then came into the kitchen when outdoor access was cut off.
At this point I was pretty naive, and panic didn't even cross my mind. I bought traps, confident that this would be a minor hiccup in the holiday season, but the traps went neglected. We pulled the fridge out and discovered the extent of infrastructure that a mouse can build when left to his/her own devices. There was very little evidence of anyone living in the kitchen, other than the distinct, hamster-cage odor when we pulled the fridge out of its cubby.
But then I crawled back there and pulled the access panel off the back of the fridge, and I began to comprehend just how heedless I had been to the original evidence of infestation. I found the remains of two towels, disassembled and reimagined into a nest surrounding the nice warm compressor, along with a quarter cup of pilfered kibble from the cat dishes. This mouse meant to hang out for a bit. So we took away the nest. I cleared the area of all fibers and food, and I bleached the bottom of the tray. We re-baited the traps and figured we'd have a dead mouse to dispose of soon.
But then we went out of town for Christmas. We were only gone for three days, but when we got back the kitchen smelled like the old pet shop at Har Mar Mall. I actually got my hopes up - had we caught the thing in one of the traps? I checked, and no. It was still living here, mocking us with its nonchalance. Now dread was starting to take hold, but we all have work and the holidays to deal with, so we let it go until I had a day off. On New Year's Eve we pulled the fridge back out and I again took the panel off, only to find that they were still pooping under there. I spent more time than I'd like to admit cleaning poop again and scrubbing again and bleaching again.
Throughout this ordeal, I feel I need to state that a prominent proprietor of cartoon mouse content, et al., lied to me. I was led throughout my youth to believe that if mice chose to grace my life with their presence, it would be in a benevolent way: tailoring my suits, cleaning my kitchen, helping me solve mysteries... No one ever once implied they would just shit under my refrigerator. That is not helpful to me at all! And so prolifically - this has been a LOT of mouse shit. According to Don Bluth they're always wearing colorful shawls and offering sage advice, but in reality they don't even understand English. And it makes sense, I mean they obviously have to poop somewhere - Rankin & Bass just never zoomed in on their asses when they were dropping pellets all over the clock tower.
Meanwhile, Jebus the cat had really dropped the ball. She had two choices, and she neither chased down and drove out the menace, nor did she strike up an unlikely friendship with it in an adorable way.
So I got a couple more traps. The mean kind. We had the little igloo-shaped spin traps originally, with the tiny door that Mickey goes in, which then slams shut and crushes his head. But those require engagement from the mouse. This time I bought the old-fashioned, tried and true, Snap Shut On Their Necks type of traps. I didn't use the recommended peanut butter as bait - since this prick was just stealing cat food, I piled three kibbles on each trap under the island, took the cat dishes up off of the floor, and went about my holiday evening.
Then, after I went to bed, Lisa was still out in the living room when she heard the snap. She got me up, and had me look under the kitchen island. This fucker was big. No wonder it hadn't gone into the igloo traps - there's no way it would have fit. I even did some research into the difference between mice and rats, but it turns out it was just a VERY LARGE mouse. So big in fact that the mean trap had not snapped shut on its neck, but smashed across its head. When we moved the island to reveal the horror show it still had its face stuck in the trap, but it was most decidedly dead. We dropped it into a bag and put it out into the -12F temps out back.
I am ambivalent about the killing of household pests. I don't like to be personally responsible for the end of living things (except centipedes - fuck those guys), but at the same time they can't live in my house. They shit a LOT, and they carry diseases and they steal kibble from my cat. I do not apologize for crushing this giant mouse's skull, but I still felt a pang dropping it into the bag and putting it out into the cold. And this speaks to the Disney point I raised earlier. I have been conditioned to believe a mouse is an adorable anthropomorphic oaf who just wants to be a sidekick to whatever adventures I am piloting. This is not the case. A mouse is 100% id. It wants to eat and poop, and it absolutely does not want to die. Even when you slam a metal bar across its face it'll take a couple minutes to expire, legs twitching while it respires agonally. Again, no apologies, but mixed feelings nonetheless.
Don't shit under my fridge though.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Cherry Crumble
As it turned out, Steve produced tart cherries. Good for baking and preserving, but not so much setting in a bowl on the coffee table for guests. And while I myself disagree with this assessment (I actually love sour cherries right off the Steve), I accepted the fact that Steve was, like me, a bit antisocial. His talents were better appreciated with a little behind-the-scenes finessing.
Over the years Steve and I have made crowd-pleasing slab pies, decadent sorbets, and even infused some Basil Hayden's with tart cherries and orange peel to the tune of a campfire manhattan for the ages. Now that I'm thinking of it, about the only thing I haven't used his fruits for over the years was drying. That would have been a perfect way to introduce him to company - some dried cherries on a coffee-table cheese board next to a funky blue and some salted almonds? Missed opportunities, for sure.
The first few summers, while he ramped up production, I had to fight the birds. Those little pricks were relentless in their pursuit of Steve's goods. I tried netting, foil strips, and even a slingshot, until he finally got big enough in about the fourth year that there were plenty of cherries for the birds to take the top third and I could still get around a quart per day for my own use. The birds and I had an understanding.
One of the things I used Steve's cherries for most often was to make jelly that I then submitted to the MN State Fair. Repeatedly. Over and over I spent hot summer afternoons pitting, mashing, straining, and processing dozens of pounds of cherries into jelly, and it was always delicious but it never judged well. I spent hours passing the juice through coffee filters until that shit shone like stained glass, leveling off the top and measuring a quarter inch of headspace without allowing any bubbles on the surface. And though I never got a ribbon for my efforts, they did make judging notes so I got some free advice on how to improve my product.
Meanwhile, Steve himself grew to absurd proportions. He's a North Star Cherry, a cold-hardy dwarf hybrid developed by the University of Minnesota to thrive in our frost-heavy climate. And thrive he did. He was supposed to top out at 8-10 feet, but in the last few summers he's grown up into our electrical lines, which are at least 16 feet off the ground. Either I have magical soil or Steve is a goddamn wizard of a tree. Every year just before Memorial Day or so he would explode into a thousand beautiful tiny white blossoms, and a couple weeks later, for almost a month straight, I had to spend an hour a day picking, pitting, and refrigerating a quart or more of small tart cherries just to keep up with production.
So two summers ago, I'd finally given up on a positive outcome for the cherries from the wise elders at the state fair, so while I went ahead and made jelly, I had all kinds of other things going on too. I froze some, made some cobblers, was planning some infusions. That year I had three other Fair submissions because I expected nothing more than free input on my process for Steve's jelly. As it turned out though, all three other submissions were busts, and the jelly garnered me a State Fair Blue Ribbon. The best cherry jelly in the state of Minnesota came from my backyard - it came from Steve! I considered setting a couple jars out on the coffee table when we had guests over, just for effect.
Then, we had an unusually hard winter. The following summer Steve blossomed out like he always had, but all his fruit was kind of smallish and shriveled. We didn't really have a decent harvest, but I chalked it up to the harsh January that we weren't used to after being spoiled by a series of easy winters in the early teens.
Last summer though, Steve checked out even further. He has three main branches coming off his trunk, one growing toward the garage, and the other two arching houseward. The house-facing two had no leaves or fruit last year, and the garage side branch leafed out and seemed to bloom just fine, but the fruit didn't come. They were tiny pea-sized pebbles that just didn't develop into cherries. And the trunks of the dead two branches had these scaly, lichen-y fungi on them. Sadly, it looks like Steve has bloomed his last.
It's weird that he stuck around long enough for the accolades to roll in, and literally as soon as he had won the recognition that he'd reached a zenith, that was that. Steve had done what he'd come here to do, and was done doing it. So I started cutting him up today. Mostly he'll provide twigs for kindling to start bonfires next summer once they're dry, but a decent amount of trunk cherrywood for smoking will also be harvested and dried. I'm already thinking of the pork tenderloin that I'll cook over his charred torso alongside my next summer's sapling. Is that macabre? I think maybe I'll try pears next. Those look good in a bowl on the coffee table, right?
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Spring Feverish
Minnesota is a spectacular place to live. We have the longest summer days but we pay for them with cold and snowy winters that will test anyone’s resolve. Minnesota is physically a large enough state to have a geographic optimism gap, too: The southern and western portions of the state rely mainly on farming the land, and coaxing nutrients out of it, to provide both income and sustenance. The northern and eastern parts rely heavily on mining the land, and selling what they take out of it, to get their incomes. In northern Minnesota they know that eventually they’ll wake up and all the iron will be gone. All they’ll have left is some glacial soil too rusty and sandy to grow anything in. In the south it’s different – they plant crops in their loamy soil every time the frost goes away, and even if they have a bad year, there will be some harvest, sparse or lush.
But that’s the price we pay for our ridiculous quality of life in the upper midwest. Whenever we sit in an inner tube in the middle of a lake drinking a mimosa in sunglasses on the 4th of July weekend with only a half dozen other boats on the lake we have the obligatory moment when we have to imagine that same lake frozen damn near solid in January, covered in blowing snow dunes, and realize how fortunate we are that the winter keeps anything more nefarious than a tent caterpillar from being able to pupate and survive in this place. This year in fact was the first since 1924 that the overall temperature between Christmas and New Year’s Eve averaged sub-zero Fahrenheit, and they think it may have some impact on our fight against some invasive insects, saving some berries in the garden and some boulevard trees.
So let's talk about snow. If you live in Minnesota you can expect to push a stranger's car out of a snowbank approximately once per winter. If you're doing winter right, you'll only be on the receiving end of that charity once every six or so years. I'm going on seven winters myself, and feeling pretty good about it (I can't believe this was already seven years ago!)... This year wasn't too bad until after the holidays, but some Monday in January we had our first real Roads Are Useless snowfall in a few winters, reminding us that winter can end us whenever it feels the whim, and I found myself driving home through ten inches of fresh powder. I followed a trio of plows out Olson Memorial Highway, but as soon as I turned on Penn Ave I knew it was going to take some luck to get all the way home. The car right in front of me kept skidding off to the right, but pulled back into the traffic ruts every time. It took a while, but we got up to my neighborhood.
When I finally turned on 35th Ave, there was a white car at the alley hung perpendicularly across the entire drivable road. The driver got out and put floor mats under the back tires (of course it was rear-wheel drive), and after she got back in they were still going nowhere. So I turned off my car and got out, and two other neighbors coming from the other direction came over to help, and we gave her a shove backwards into the alley so she could then angle out with our help into a parallel spot against the curb.
When I got back into my car and drove past her I nearly got hung up myself turning from 35th to go the half-block to my house, but luckily the Malibu has a high enough undercarriage that it soldiered through the snow mess left by evacuating neighbors. And I was back out after it finally stopped snowing at 11pm because it is way better to shovel and then go to bed than to have to shovel before you go to work. I dug both cars out, shoveled the walk, and slept like a baby - for five hours until my alarm went off. In most cities this would begin round two of the "Snow Might Kill You" show, but in MSP? There was a snow emergency declared, which meant the entire Mpls fleet of plows was out overnight from 9pm to 9am plowing major arterial streets, which is great for my commute downtown. By the time my wife and I came home after work at least half (the even side) of all non-snow emergency streets were also plowed to the curb. And by the next morning? Life moves on - the third day they plow the other (odd numbered) side of lesser streets, and then everything should be able to go back to normal. And this just happens, several times per winter, whenever more than six inches of snow falls, the city says "parking is weird for three days," and then you just keep going about your business. But going about you business starts to seem bleak after six months. That's how the snow demoralizes you. Prince was not kidding around - it actually snows pretty often in April. I've seen it snow here as early as mid-October (ask any Minnesotan about the Halloween Blizzard, we all have a story), and I've seen it snow as late as May 5. And it's not like it snows and goes away either - between those calendar extremes you can sometimes have to navigate through this. So when those crocuses show up, or when I can get the tomatoes started in the basement, it feels like a remarkable victory against the forces of the Windigo, and I get to spend a few glorious days living in the mind of a Southern Minnesotan, with my eyes on the harvest rather than the eternal frost.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Infinite Potential
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Ode à la Grand Marais
But by the time I showed up, we were older, if not necessarily wiser. When I started going up we were walking back to the campground from town as cautionary tales – with our cigarettes, and our liters of vodka and the innocent DQ Mr. Misties we poured the Karkov into. We were higher than the kites we flew all afternoon Saturday on the beach, but we didn’t care, because it was the most fun we’d have in one weekend all year. To be a hedonist among puritans, just once a year, is an experience I highly recommend. It will discombobulate you, but luckily that word sounds a little dirty, so you’re already on the right track.We went on for several years, kayaking in the harbor, Bingo-ing at the legion hall, and climbing on the rocks overlooking the bay. One weekend per year, we got to get all our crazy out at the end of summer and come back to the city to be serious for the oncoming winter. That is, until Jill’s parents bought a house in town. We all claimed to have figurative roots in the town, now suddenly they had put down literal ones. And it's an adorable little cottage a block from the main drag, with an extra bedroom. Then something different happened. Jill, who had long since broken amicably from my best man, married the guy she was destined for. And they had twins. Twins!
I was the first at the campsite this year, and that’s never happened before (I didn’t even make it up first the year that I paid for it). My initial priority was getting my tent up and checking out the rainbow over the bay to the East. When my campmate arrived, he & I enjoyed a couple beers and some homemade brittle and waited for the familied friends to get in touch. After they did, we were anchored in the town with them and in the festival for the weekend. I don’t have children, but I know quite a few of them, and it is a humbling moment the first time you turn to the baby you think you know and realize you’re talking to a fully formed human child, capable of running, and laughing, and skipping stones, and you have stories that predate her. She did not exist when most of your life took place. She is a Descendant.